Just Call Me “Fish Killer”

By: Michele Kelly MS, RD, CDE

My daughter Ava, took home a guppy from kindergarten before summer vacation. We named her Molly. She was the third fish we received, the first two died (turns out you have to be a biochemist to keep a fish alive!) So, our one little fish, Molly was placed in her tank on the counter in the kitchen near the sink, with her cute Sponge Bob decorations. Let me tell you, this was one hungry guppy. She would literally stare at me while I was doing the dishes begging for food. After I fed her she would peck at the bottom looking for scraps. It was pretty entertaining and I figured I got a healthy fish with a good appetite.
Our vacation was coming up so I asked our neighbor Naomi to take care of Molly. I walked her across the street and Naomi placed the tank on her kitchen counter too. A week later, when I came back Naomi said “OMG she was always staring at me doing the dishes wanting food!” We had a good laugh because we both felt so pressured by this silly guppy.

A week or so later, my son Ryan (who wears glasses) was eating breakfast by her tank and said “look mommy, a baby fishy! “Yeah, right” I said, “you need new glasses! That’s impossible! Molly hasn’t been with another fish for a month!” I walked over and there and floating around were 7 adorable little baby guppies. It was a really special and educational morning to see LIVE fish being born (most fish lay eggs). Thirty minutes later there were around 15 babies and two hours later there were more than I could count … probably around 40! I called Naomi and her kids over and we had fun staring at these little guys swimming around. She was as excited as I was. I was relieved to see that mom wasn’t too interested in (eating) them as I was warned by Ava’s teacher, Mrs. Whippo that they do that. That is also why I only wanted one fish to avoid the whole baby situation! I then started to be slightly concerned about what the HECK I was going to do with 40 baby guppies. I planned to go to the pet store the next day to get another tank.

That whole evening I could not keep my eyes off the babies; they were so cute. Sometimes I wondered if there were some missing but they were really hard to keep track of. However, over the course of the evening my suspicion grew. The strange thing was you could not tell for sure if they were being eaten because it happened so FAST. Molly would flick her head near a baby and suddenly it was gone… they were perfect bite size morsels. The next day I woke up and rushed downstairs to find only there were only about 15 left! I then changed Molly’s name to Jaws. Ryan cried when I asked him if I could set mommy free in a pond so she couldn’t cannibalize her infants. What was most freakish to me is how much Jaws ate. I was feeding her 4 times a day hoping she would lose her appetite for her young, but it didn’t work. I called Naomi to tell her the news and she was horrified.

The next morning I dreaded going downstairs to look into that tank. Shockingly, when I dared to look, there were NO MORE babies! Within 48 hours Jaws had eaten 4 meals a day and ALL of her babies!! She was there by herself, poking and poking in a corner of her tank by the gravel. She sickened me. What the HECK was she poking at?? Then I saw it! Waaaaaaaaaaay down under the gravel pinned against the glass, vertical, with her little black eyes shining in terror was the last baby!! I was sure as heck not going to let mommy get that one! So, I scooped her out, put her in a bowl and drove the kids to the pet store. Sixty dollars later (total investment so far $150 bucks for a FREE FISH!!), I had a new, larger 5.5gal fish tank for mom. I hurried home assembled it, filled it with water and dumped Jaws in and put baby back into the little tank she was born in. We named her Lucky. That evening before bed Jaws wasn’t looking too good. And in the morning, there she lay, lifeless floating by the filter. Even though she was a mass-murdering cannibal it sickened me. I guess I did not give her enough time to get used to her new tank. I called Naomi to tell her the news and she said “God probably killed her for eating her babies!! Good riddance!” The kids took it in stride as they were used dead (or eaten) fish.

So, now I had a small tank with Lucky and a larger empty tank running just begging for new fish. So, what’s an OCD person like me gonna do? Go get MORE FISH. Now, this is after I have done HOURS of research (my husband and a couple of moms at school think I’m nuts cause this is all I talk about anymore). I decide to go to a REAL tropical fish store to get some advice from an expert. I mean, this store had 4.5 stars on Yelp so I figure I am in good hands right? The owner walks up to me and I get a bad vibe immediately. I still let him sell me a betta and 6 other little fish. I questioned him “aren’t you crowding the tank? I thought a tank my size only could handle about 3 fish?” He said “don’t worry, these are hardy fish, they will be fine”. So, I believed him cause, he was the owner of a REAL fish store right? Again, I woke up to find 6 dead fish and one sickly looking betta. The kids weren’t fazed, I was a wreck. That night, after I tucked the kids in bed, Ryan called down “good night fish killer!!”

I will spare you the whole story of the betta fish. Suffice it to say it did not make it, even though for three weeks I did everything in my power to save it. I think it was so traumatized it lost its will to live. As of this date I have not had the stomach to fill up the 5 gallon death tank again. To end on a happy note, Lucky is still alive and thriving in her tank and is sharing it with 3 ghost shrimp and a stow-away snail that snuck in on a plant. But, to all you moms who want to buy a fish because it’s a great first “easy” pet for your kids? Get a dog.