To Ponder Love

Most mornings I begin with meditation.

Like so many words associated with the inner-life, or that potentially eek towards the edge of spirituality or even religion, it seems to me that maybe these days there ought to be a glossary attached when a person writes or speaks. Therefor, in the interest of context, let me just say that I use that word to equate my personal period of quiet and introspection in the morning. It is, to be clear, the period of time that counts and not at all the actual practice. I am a big advocate of learning and using tools such as breathing and present-centeredness that help still my mind. But even those are not what I refer to with this word. For me, my meditation time is about one thing: meeting myself where I am at today. It is honoring and witnessing what is going on in there. It’s my commitment to my own life, and by extension, commitment to you that I am doing what I am able in order to show up and give you the best I’ve currently got.

I write this today because the theme this week is Love. Valentine’s Day has me thinking about how much time I spend doing the things I actually love. Now, the soul-life is what interests me so again, in the interest of context, let’s agree here that when I speak of soul I speak qualitatively, the depth of which is personally subjective. In other words, the experience of soul is a quality that is felt and that feeling can only be defined by the individual. For me it is a feeling of being pristinely in the moment, of truly feeling alive or connected. And what better way to know this experience that through doing what you love?

I’m not going to talk here about the idea that me-time is selfish. Instead I will ask how one can love, how can she give away love freely and endlessly, if her own vessel is not filled up? The little indulgences are what makes this life livable and I write about this today because more than any other underlying issue, the women I counsel come time and again with complaints that they are not getting what they need from their men. While no person is ever singularly responsible for what occurs between two people, it is my observation that almost always women look to men to fulfill something that in truth only can be re-filled within.

And that has to be done again, and again. Again. I bring to it the knowledge of the Buddhists, who advise us to “Begin Again.” This instruction, which comes from Zazen meditation and speaks about quieting the mind, is the teaching that when the chatter starts, as it will because that is the nature of the mind, simply begin being present again. Begin Again. In my own life I apply this mantra to my morning time of quiet. No matter what I did yesterday or last night, no matter how many times I met myself last week, as for today, I have to be here now. I have to start again.

Because that, meeting myself for daily quiet time, is the practice that hones in what is important, it is the singular practice that encourages me to follow my heart. In practical ways, it is this practice that shows me where to put my energy when it comes to decisions and responsibilities. It is the core of me, and it is how I enliven my soul. It is the practice that reminds me:

I love fresh-steeped herbal tea,

surfing in the afternoon when the sun is yellow,

listening to music when I am alone,

the giggle sounds of my niece and

laughing with my friend’s middle-school sons.

It seems silly, but these things are easy to forget. This is a good week to ponder love, and soul, and how we choose to remember.

Photo courtesy of Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/patrick-smith-photography/3778473630/sizes/z/in/photostream/