Reflections :: Concerning the Topic of Love

On the Topic of Love:

When I was approached to write for this site it was concerning the topic of love.

Not romantic love.  Rather, how to be loving.  In a practical, real-life, day after day way.  A standing in a non-moving line in the grocery store, getting cut-off on the freeway, or coming home to find out yet again that the internet is down kind-of-way.

There is a fundamental ancient meditation practice from India known as Vipassana.  It teaches a person to steadily witness from within this moment.

A primary principle of Vipassana is a Sanskrit word, Anicha.  Western translation of Anicha means changing.  Anicha is taught as how to witness change without judgement.  This means to even go as far as witnessing judgement without judgement!  The idea is to recognize the deeper and deeper levels of the changing state of my always chattering mind.

We might call this This too shall pass.

Metta: Loving-Kindness:

To learn Vipassana the first time, a practitioner must attend a minimum of a 10 day silent retreat, in which the meditation is done for up to 15 hours a day.

At the very end she is then taught the practice of Metta, which translates to Loving-Kindness.

I have sat two Vipassana retreats.  Any person that knows me, however; knows that I am far more concerned with how to take a tool like Vipassana and practice it day to day.  Being loving, to me, is far less about quiet time apart from humanity, and all about how I behave out in the middle of the great big mix.  

So to me, it’s about applying the idea that my inner-reactions, each and every one of my changing, round about thoughts, are acceptable.  It is my job to stay conscious of them, angry or tired, exasperated or irreverent, scary or insecure as they may be.  I witness them without judgment, which sounds really hard and can be–until I practice loving-kindness.  Meaning compassion for my self, all the many changing versions of myself, not just the ones I put forward when I slap on a smile or some pretty make-up.

We live in a society that demands from us what psychologists call our persona.  Persona is the mask-me, the me I want you to like and therefor model according to what culture deems is acceptable.  Living only through the persona damages every part of us, especially because it so deeply shames the other, very normal, but often very judged (by our own selves) not-so-nice sides.

Almost all matters of acting out and addiction can be drawn back to this primary wound.

Love Begins Within:

Love begins within.  The more I practice it on myself, the often-named ugly-parts of me, the more I naturally come in a real, authentic, way to the rest of the world with that in my nature.  It starts right now, right here.  It can be practiced at any moment, and grows stronger with practice day by day.

Photo courtesy of Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/scottfitzgerald/2375817085/sizes/z/in/photostream/