Reflections :: The Need To Be Social

The Importance of Friendships:

I was thinking some more about needs recently, as result of studying for an upcoming class at school on group counseling.

A man named Irvin D. Yalom is considered among modern psychologists to be instrumental for his work on social needs because of his vast experience leading groups and studying group dynamics. In one of his books he speaks very practically about how putting people in a group for counseling purposes is proven to instill hope in them, to provide education through modelling of leadership, to correct early examples of bad relationships, and to instill trust and correct and allow interpersonal development. These things are the natural results of consistently showing up to the same group of people. It is, in many ways, a recreation of an outside family unit. 12-step groups, self-help groups, support groups all count as examples.

I am reading this book at the same time that an out of town guest has come to stay with me for a month or so. This is someone with whom I once lived in an intentional living setting, in small shared quarters with expected work responsibilities, and several roommates. At the end of the day, in addition to having a deep respect for one another’s autonomy, personal habits and space, we make one another laugh. Having a social companion in my otherwise solitary space has added a bright spot of joy that I did not realize I craved.

It’s made me think of things, too, like mom’s groups, meet-up groups, even regular luncheons or outings, dates we keep with the same group of people. Even private facebook groups or subscribing to a feed that many follow could hint at this this need. A necessary component for social fulfillment and companionship that is as essential for health and a soul-filled life as food and sleep.

Summertime is a time that calls us to be more social. Vacations, Bbq’s, seeing neighbors at the pool. But in our busy day to day lives, how often do we take the time to actually consider the necessity of these experiences? Our inner lives only receive expression when given a chance to be reflected back at us by others. It’s a good time to contemplate how much priority we give to this important need, to think of ways to add a little more consistency to our relationships out of respect and appreciation for the greater aspects in us that they grow.

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