Reflections :: Owning our Emotional Lives

Recently I shared the following quote by Barbara Stevens Sullivan on Facebook:

“Our resistance to a feminine orientation is tremendous. We are taught in every setting that we should be in control of our lives and that our lives will proceed in positive directions if we control them properly. We are urged to refuse to give in to depression and despair, to think positively. The consequence of this attitude is not an increasingly widespread incidence of happiness, it is rather a situation in which people feel guilty about their depression and despair, exacerbating their pain by struggling against the legitimate suffering that life involves and that, when submitted to, ultimately brings wisdom.”

The post was accompanied by this picture.

Sullivan’s book, “Psychotherapy Grounded in the Feminine Principle” is the basis of a modern psychology that empowers the emotional life, and the emotional, intuitive functions.  This is true for both women and men, but it is called the feminine principal because while the emotional life is a crucial developmental need, it has historically only been valued if women display it.  In fact, historically, and continuing now, many women have over-compensated by carrying the entire burden of this necessity which is a major component in the breakdown of relationships.  It creates codependent system that disempower the woman from being able to succinctly address her own specific needs, and disempowers the man or others she is in relation to from learning to know and own their own.

When one experiences emotional reactions to life it is always an indicator that the whole-body, or experience, of that person is working.  If she or he feels overwhelmed or stressed by their emotional experience, one thing to consider is if they have an unconscious belief that their emotions are invalid or unnecessary.  A culture that promotes look-good positivity all the time disempowers the truth of the human experience.  In depth psychology, we suggest that this is injurious to the individual’s soul.

The picture is of the ocean for good reason.  The emotional life is fluid, and embodied emotions, or emotions that can move through the body because we have safely allowed for that natural part of our process, come and go like the tides.  As with the ocean, there is no final answer, no right or wrong, just movement, continuos flux inside the great system of the whole.  All people are different of course, so this is by no means is to say that unemotional people are bad or wrong or unhealthy.  Certainly the thinking, logical function is well-developed and a strength for many people.

Rather, I posted about this today because of the great number of people who unconsciously have internalized the message that their needs, and their whole experience (which includes a range of reactions, some of which will have emotions at the core) is somehow wrong or not valid.  Disowning our experience this way is harmful to ourselves.  My hope by writing about this is to give greater permission to exploring how this dynamic is alive, or not, in your life.