In my early twenties it occurred to me that friendships are an active experience. It was early summer and I’d sent an email to Katie, my closest girlfriend in college, telling her I thought it wasn’t a good idea for us to live together the following semester. I felt our lifestyles weren’t conducive to sharing an apartment. A week or so later, with courage gained from several drinks at her local bar, she called me in the middle of the night to let me know exactly how she felt. Kate was angry and hurt not only about my decision, but the wimpy way I addressed it with her from…