Reflections :: Vulnerability

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A favorite part of returning to school again, for me, has been the deep and connected conversations with fellow students.  They are significant of the bonds we are growing, of our commitment to being seen and seeing one another as the individuals we are.

It’s as educational an experience as the classes themselves. There is something about being surrounded by groups of people, whatever the size, that  hold and reflect the value and meaning of what is important to you, as well as challenge you to consider just what that means.  Particularly in that I am in the situation of pursuing a second career, it is truly enriching to my sense of self to get to study with people who for the most part find themselves similarly circumstanced.  My class spans in age from mid-twenties to sixties, weighted largely somewhere in the middle.  Rather than a classic class of post-college Master pursuants, we are accentuated by individuals at varied stages of life, each of whom has answered a call to deepen our experience of doing work we feel called to for authentic and personal reasons.  We are blessed in that the school is the former home of Jesuit monastery.  Our monthly weekends away at school, again and again, give me pause to the harried lives we each live as month by month runs round the circle of time.

This week I was reading a post on Feminism and Religion about shame.  It brought me back to two different conversations over the past weekend at school, and feels relevant as I ponder what is on my mind today.  The article recognizes Brene Brown, a well-known writer and lecturer and social worker.  She is best-known for her eloquence on the power of vulnerability.  It is what we study, how to be in kairos-time with our clients, in the field of the heart or the relational.  Vulnerability.  Inside of a conversation about this it is neccesary to consider shame.

My experience is that shame is the number one defense against true connection with others.  Years ago, in my own continued self-work, I came to identify the word as meaning extreme self-judgement.  As well, when I am stuck in it, shame causes me to isolate because its power is that of denying me my own deeply fundamental need for connection.  Approached from this understanding, shame becomes the indicator that whatever it is I am hiding from is the exact part of me that will help me blossom if I can summon the courage to share.

What we, each of us, hold in common is our humanness.   We, each of us whoever we are, has a wholly functioning heart, seeking to connect meaningfully day to day.  We all crave the good feelings, we each stray from the pain that living creates: it is what binds us, this human heart, this human struggle.  To close it down, often without our conscious understanding as to why, is an ailment so regular that I believe it to be the great wound of humanity.  Opening our eyes to the ways in which we shame ourselves, and learning to soften and strive towards vulnerability with this imperfection is likewise the medicine we each have the choice to rise to, over and over again, day by day.

It is a gentle approach, one that contributes humor and lightness when learned how to practice.

If you haven’t heard of Brown’s work, I encourage you to check her out!  Here is a link to her Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability.  

Be easy, gentle with, good to you.  The contrary action of self-judgment is self-love.  It is an exercise of the heart that we all can practice.  May it contribute to healing and be as contagious as a genuine smile.