Melissa’s Musings :: Enjoying the Simple Things

These past few months have been some of the most challenging I have experienced in my life.  No one can prepare you for losing a loved one and I think it is something that once you go through such deep sadness one is changed forever.  I do feel less afraid of death as I feel my father’s presence around me.  And knowing that he is just on the other side waiting for my family comforts me somehow.  Some of the things I’ve learned along this journey  include:

Not everyone is comfortable talking about death.  I found out pretty quickly that many of us are not comfortable talking about death or grief.  But find those who are comfortable or willing to talk with you about what you are experiencing and feeling.  They are the ones you will need to go to from time to time.  But try not to hold it against those who aren’t.  I can’t say I was very comfortable and didn’t know what I could do when a couple of good friends lost their fathers suddenly.  One friend lost her father in our early 30’s and I didn’t have much to say and didn’t know what I could do to make it better – so I didn’t do much, which I am sorry about today.  Read my post The Art of Caring: 7 Tips For Helping Others Going Through A Difficult Time that offers tips you can do to help someone in need.  These are things I found most touching that others did for my family while going through this tough time.

Breathe through the process.  It is just recently that I am breathing again.  Yes, where I can actually feel myself taking deep breaths and being kinder to myself.  There is some regret when you lose someone close to you – did you spend enough time with them, did you call often enough, were you a good friend, daughter, sister.  All of these emotions are normal and will hit you from time to time. Know that these waves of emotion will pop up at times you wish they wouldn’t but be kind to yourself and give yourself time.

Enjoy the simple things. The other day my daughter and I took an adventure nature walk.  Me with my Hello Kitty backpack (yes, I wanted one) with snacks and water inside, her with her soccer outfit on (the only thing she will wear these days) and our rather large dog.  We spent about two hours on our nature walk through a local university and added more sticks and mud to a fort she and my husband have been working on.  Seeing how happy she was just hanging with her mom and dog made me smile inside.  I made a promise to myself to enjoy these few weeks left of summer vacation and be more present – in mind and spirit.

See with new eyes. While walking through a dirt path I came across this gorgeous camouflage leaf.  Wow!  It made me sit back and think about how nature has so much to offer – if only we open our eyes to it.  There really is magic in the every day.  Take time to process it and enjoy it.  Sometimes we get caught up in life and forget to enjoy the moments.  The sound of a child’s laughter or seeing my daughter’s innocent face at night while sleeping are wonderful sights and sounds to be processed and embrace. I know that when you go through a traumatic experience such as losing someone, an illness, or divorce, you can lose sight of these things.  I have opened my eyes again and I am thankful – for my family, friends and life.

Resources I have found helpful:

Beautiful Amazing World Facebook Page – Gorgeous places around the world makes you embrace the wonder of life!

Grief The Unspoken Facebook Page – Great page that offers resources, discussions and support for those going through a loss.

Grief Speaks Out Facebook Page – Also a wonderful page that offers a place for those to talk.

What  sites, books or groups have you found to be helpful during a difficult period in your life?