Musings :: Beware the Stage Mom

 “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”

~ Angela Schwindt

Last week I was reminded of how important it is to instill confidence in our children.  I mean the kind of confidence that allows them to navigate in the world from a place of kindness but also a place from which no one can disrupt their sense of self.  Building up my daughter’s self-esteem has been at the forefront of my parenting.  “Healthy self-esteem is like a child’s armor against the challenges of the world. Kids who know their strengths and weaknesses and feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures.” (Source: Kids Health.org)

Last month at the Mom 2.0 Conference I met a very sweet woman and her daughter and we were talking about our work, life and our families.  I showed her a picture of my daughter – which I tend to do at any opportunity. She immediately recommended we should get in touch with her daughter’s former manager who handled her acting career when she was younger.

Since my daughter has been a baby, we have been stopped in the streets by people in the industry saying she would be great on camera – the camera likes redheads. But I have had my concerns as I definitely don’t want to raise the next Lindsay Lohan or Miley Cyrus (no offense, but you know what I’m saying). I liked the idea of Kate having a manager as I know the world of Hollywood can be pretty tough.   One of the reasons I am interested in acting for her is so that she can learn how to be comfortable speaking in front of groups (such a great life skill to have) and for her to be able to engage with people from all walks of life.

When I got back from my trip, I contacted this manager, sent her a few pictures of Kate and off we drove up to Hollywood the following week.  We were sent a five page script the day before our meeting and we went through it several times and she did great!  It wasn’t memorized but I figured they would let her read off the paper since it was just sent to us the night before.  Wrong. We got there and the assistant ushered her in to meet with the manager and I was told that they would come out to talk to me afterwards.  They were not in there more than 5 minutes when I heard walking down the hallway and not a word spoken.  Kate came skipping past me and said “Hey Mom!” The woman introduced herself and said Kate “did good.”  I smiled at Kate and looked back at the woman who then proceeded to tell me that Kate had told her “she doesn’t want to be an actress and that she didn’t really know why she was there.”

I am rarely at a loss for words, but as I looked back at Kate (who just shrugged her shoulders), I really didn’t know what to say.  Was this the same kid who told me after I got back from the PBS annual meeting where I met the stars of the PBS Kids series ODD SQUAD that she wanted to be one of the actors on that show.  Or the same kid who wants to start her own YouTube channel to talk about games, Minecraft, and “kid stuff.”  I just mumbled that she was being silly as the woman was looking at me accusingly.  You know the look, that I am some star-struck stage mom who will stop at nothing to have her kid on TV kind of look!  She then walked away briskly saying for me to “Call back after 11am the next day.”  Hmmm, we got a five minute meeting for a three hour plus drive… not sure if this Hollywood thing is for us…

As we walked back to my car, I asked her why she would say that to the woman and she replied that she didn’t really know what to say or do. The more I asked her questions, the more upset she got. I wasn’t yelling,  but just wanted to know what her thinking process was as this was the first time I had heard that she wasn’t interested in acting.  After I got off the phone with my husband – who put it all in perspective “she’s eight,” I started to really listen to what she was saying.  Rule number one for parents – really listen as the answers will usually present themselves!

Apparently, she was ushered into the room, the script was in the hands of the manager and Kate was expected to recite them back.  As she was obviously getting more and more uncomfortable, and not knowing her lines, she said the woman’s face started getting more and more upset. After she stopped halfway through (why she didn’t just hand her the script is beyond me as it was pretty apparent we are not veterans) she asked her some questions at which point Kate, not one for letting anyone embarrasse her or make her feel bad comes out with “I don’t really want to be an actress anyway” and “I’m not sure why I’m even here.”  So, that is how it all came down.

Her sense of self-worth is such that she wasn’t going to let this woman make her feel bad or embarrassed so she stuck up for herself and came out with that story of “not wanting to do it anyway.”  She reminded me how important it is to listen, I mean really listen to your kids when they act up or say something that is out of character.  Once I understood the situation and why she said what she said – we both had a good laugh and she got an ice cream cone.  I told her how proud I was of her and that in life, you will come across people who might treat you unkindly but to always stick up for yourself and never let someone make you feel small.  That night as I thought about our day, I laughed and shook my head as I realized Kate is going to be just fine.

This stage mom is proud.

What are ways you try to instill confidence in your kids?

Check back on a future post about building up our children’s self-esteem.