Be The Person You Want Your Daughter To Be

A Kick In My Gut

One afternoon, my six-year-old wanted to go outside to play. It was unusually warm outside so I sent her to her room to change into shorts. It seemed like a simple task but when I went to check on my daughter and found her aimlessly searching through her drawers I was impelled to ask, “Why is it so hard to pick out shorts?” Her answer was a kick in my gut.

“I don’t like my legs.”

She said it so matter-of-factly, I asked her to repeat herself. No, I was not mistaken. The child I have tried so hard to shelter from my world of self-criticism, the child that is perfect in my eyes, my child, just said she doesn’t like her legs.

They have bruises all over them. That was her reason- bruises. I explained to her that those bruises show everyone that she likes to have fun, to run, to climb and play! I showed her every bruise I could find on my own body. Then the second kick to my gut.

“But I never see you wearing shorts.”

What could I say to that? Should I tell the truth? That mommy doesn’t wear shorts because she is uncomfortable baring her thighs that are marked with more than bruises? That cellulite is an unfortunate, evil thing? That when mommy was in high school instead of yelling “cheese” at the camera, a bunch of teenage boys yelled “thunder thighs” as mommy took their picture? That mommy doesn’t wear shorts because she has too much baggage?

In that moment, I realized that it didn’t matter what I said. My baby was looking for me to show her the way. I took her hand in mine, brought her to my drawers, and let her pick out whichever pair of shorts she wanted me to wear.

Be The Person You Want Your Daughter To Be

We have all heard the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do!” I think we should change that paradigm. If we don’t want our daughters concerned about calories, pounds, and what other people think we need to stop being concerned with those things ourselves.

Stop- Showing her that the scale has power.
Start- Using the way your clothes fit as feedback.
Try- Only weighing yourself once per week or once per month.

Stop- Negative self talk.
Start- Giving yourself a break!
Try- Speaking to yourself with kindness, the way you would speak to your daughter.

Stop- Talking about calories and food in relation to weight.
Start- Using meal time to educate your family about food choices.
Try- Discussing energy foods vs. sometimes foods, making a chart to see how many different colors you can eat in a day, learning the food groups.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

That afternoon, we went outside to play- she with her bruises, me with my baggage- and forgot all about what took us so long to get ready.