Musings :: How Becoming a Mother Changed Me

The journey to become a mom was not an easy one for my husband and I.  It wasn’t until the 9/11 tragedy that I woke up and realized how life can be so uncertain and that not only did I want to get married (had been with my now-husband for 7 years), but I also wanted to have children.  Yes, it was 9/11 as well as a quote I read in an article that completely altered my life.  I was reading a magazine article that was written by a playwright who talked about all these experiences she had in life, traveling the world, dinners at castles, etc., but one thing she wanted more than anything was to have the experience of having a child.  She felt that was one thing that was missing in her life.  It made me sit back and think about going through life not having had that experience and I realized that I too, wanted to experience motherhood.

But like I said, by the time I figured all this out I was in my mid thirties and was told by the “expert” in his field, that due to some female hormonal issues, I was unlikely to be able to do this naturally and would most likely need assistance.  This scared me as I figured since I already had problems with my hormones, altering them with other hormones didn’t make much sense to me.  One of the infertility doctors I met with to  try to figure out the best game plan sent me to this wonderful Chinese doctor who specialized in infertility.  What this doctor didn’t know, was that I wanted to try to see if I could do this naturally, though I was told I couldn’t.  Well, after three months of Chinese herbs and acupuncture, the very “expert” who had told me I couldn’t get pregnant was the one who tested me and told me I was in fact, pregnant!

The pregnancy was fairly easy – though I gained almost 50 pounds and was not use to carrying around this much weight.  I think I wore some pretty ugly tennis shoes the whole time as it was tough just walking around!  I envied those women who wore cute little sandals and other cute shoes while I was toting tennis shoes…  Though the pregnancy was fairly simple, the birth was not.  Let’s just suffice that if we were living in another time my daughter and I might not have made it.  Yes, it was a difficult birth to say the least and one that still gives me shivers when I think about it.  Maybe someday I can write more about it – to share in this journey – but not quite yet.

But what this post is really about is how much having my daughter has changed me as a person.  When I look at pictures pre-kid, I almost feel like I am looking at another chapter, another self, from a long time ago.  The things that I am doing today are all because of her.  I would not have been inspired to write children’s books.  I would not have driven myself to create this platform for other moms because frankly, I would not have been a mom and would not have understood the magnitude of what it means to enter into motherhood.  And one of the best things of all, is that we get to tap into our inner child and be goofy.  Hey, we need to be a kid right along with ours sometimes!  It is such a wondrous journey and one that I am so thankful I am on.  The joy I get from my kid is beyond anything I could have realized.  That quote about once you have children – your heart bursts wide open is so true and motherhood is really one of the most joyous things we can experience as women.

On this special day, enjoy the wonder of being called “Mom” by the most special little people in the world – your kids!

Photo: Taken at Knott’s Berry Farm.  My daughter and I hanging with the locals…