Reflections: Being Content With Our Choices

One of the reasons we have a section on dandelion moms called Reflections is for women to share in their observations about the choices they made and offer some insight to women who are in the beginning, middle or even later stages of motherhood.  One of my favorite illustrations from Charles Schulz, the creator of the Peanuts, is the one where Charlie Brown is sitting by the pond with Snoopy and says “In the Book of Life, the answers aren’t in the back.” How true is that observation!  As women we need to trust our gut instincts and do what works for ourselves and our families.  This might mean working at home, not working,  or working outside the home.  There is no right or wrong answer as we don’t know what each family needs to have happen to make it work for them!

 In the November issue of More Magazine they asked 1,200 women ages 60 up to 95 years of age  what they learned in their life journey about parenthood, work, and love.  I found the answers from these women so interesting and insightful that I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes and responses from the women. 

About Parenthood:

One woman was quoted as saying “Be prepared to have no idea what you’re doing.”  Hmmm, I guess other women feel that at times as well!   The women were asked to rate themselves from A to F and this catogory is where insecurity reigned it’s ugly head with it being the only category that a woman over 80 gave herself an “F.”  Is this because of the societal pressures to always be “doing it right” with little room for error?  Or is it because as moms we find this to be  the ultimate reflection of who we are and what we value the most.  Those women in the survey who did give themselves the highest grades said they did so because their children are now grown and are happy and productive adults.  Many of the women said if they could do it over again they would have more children and start later in life having them. 

About Work:

Many in the survey stressed over and over again that the notion to “have it all” and do it full throttle is a recipe for being depleted or burn-out.  They recommended to women in the throes of motherhood to look for other options such as more flex-time, working from home, or sharing a job as I have heard  many of my teacher friends  doing.  With the technological advances there are more options available and the women surveyed urged younger women to be brave and look for options that they might not have thought of before.   The work category received the most “A’s” out of all the categories which included: work, religious/spiritual satisfaction, current marriage/romantic relationship and parenting.  Apparently women who worked outside the home were 12 percent more likely to give themselves an A for their success at life after 60 years of age.  I wonder if this is because they found a profession that fulfilled them outside of the home life?   This just might be so as those who had outside interests were 25 percent more likely to say they had found their true path.

About Love:

A whopping 81 percent  their happiest decade came after age 40!  They did note that each life stage had their pleasures and rewards.  They said they gained more self-confidence and self-awareness after age 40.  Another respondent noted that the best thing you can give your child is a strong relationship with your spouse or partner and to let them see how much you enjoy all aspects of your life – with and without them.  The notion of  helicopter moms was not really as much of an issue for them as it is for our generation.  Some of the respondents said to make time for other relationships in your life and this in turn benefits your children so the pressure to be everything in a parent’s life is not there.  Is love still front and center after a certain age? Absolutely said over three quarters of the respondents who were currently married or in a relationship.  I loved how most of the women gave themselves an A or B grade for these unions.  Many of the women had found their true love after the age of 40 on up to over 60+ years of age!

To read about other’s journeys provides insight into the choices you have made and the life you are living.   It was heartening to see such a large percentage of the respondents over 80 give themselves the highest grades in all the categories.  I think there is something to be said for being kind to oneself and to give yourself a break.  The majority of us are doing the best we can do! We aren’t perfect people – that is part of the human experience to learn from our mistakes and move past them.  It is wonderful to see that these women as they got older were able to understand that and be kinder to themselves and the choices they made.

What are some choices you are most proud of?

References:

More Magazine, November 2012 issue, How Would You Rate Your Life.

Photo courtesy of Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/_lacman_/7420995114/sizes/z/in/photostream/