Parenting :: Swimming the Tide of Autism

This spring marks two years since my son’s Asperger diagnosis. His younger sister has been professionally diagnosed with Asperger’s and nowhere near the spectrum. I am currently in the midst of a divorce with their father, who is a walking billboard for autistic characteristics but refuses my pleas to get evaluated.

When April came celebrating Autism awareness, I felt I was already not only quite aware but drowning in a sea of autism. Somehow, I managed to swim the tides for two years unaware of many frequently vicious debates within the autism community. I naively put a blue bulb on our porch on April second, then read such frightening attacks on Autism Speaks and the entire idea that I almost took it down out of fear. Next came the dueling yet passionate essays by mothers who wished for a cure versus those who wouldn’t have their child any other way. Finally, I acknowledged the helplessness felt by mothers who wrote of their exasperation with the fraud of “awareness” when what was long overdue was real action.

Moving On From Awareness:

Moving on from awareness, I questioned my own beliefs about a hypothetical “cure” for autism. I grew up in a family where every aunt and uncle was The Odd One. I can barely function around neurotypicals without quirks, thus loving my children’s differences. Yet autism affects each individual differently and both of my children are high-functioning. That doesn’t leave me in a position to judge other’s beliefs about what would be ethically right for their child or loved one.

However, when it comes to co-morbid conditions with autism such as mood disorders, I am much more torn. I was already a mother of two when I received my bipolar diagnosis. Both of my children clearly bear the same burden. Despite working with an excellent psychiatrist for two years, our house is frequently a roller-coaster of temper and mood issues. It affects their schooling and friendships on a major scale. I fear for their long-term job and relationship prospects.

Realizing the answer isn’t in a constantly changing cocktail of mood stabilizers, anti-depressants and anti-psychotics with miserable side-effects, that leaves me to ponder genetic modification for bipolarism and other mental illnesses. Given the issues and problems our world currently experiences with plants and animals genetically modified for better results, I fear that tampering with the human genome will bring to reality every sci-fi novel nightmare imagined on the subject. Haven’t we already morally answered the question of whether we should play God?

I have spent most of this month in stress and turmoil. There are so many issues with different paths for each family. Which led me to my final conclusion. None of this is my decision at all. It never was. This life and their bodies belong to my children, whatever their choices. My hope for you this April is peace. Peace while all of us find the future. And the strength to swim the tide with me in the meantime.

By Jodi Hobbs, mother and home educator to two special needs children.

Photo courtesy of Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/aryn/218100452/sizes/z/in/photostream/